hyperbolequeen:
you know what the stupidest award is
perfect attendance
why should you be rewarded for having a superior immune system and never catching a virus okay it’s not exactly my fault that I’m not perfect and I gotta work it
where is my award for not murdering anyone all four years of high school since we’re giving out pointless awards here
(via h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s)
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tourist:
could you give me directions to olive garden?
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new yorker:
no, but i could give you directions to an actual italian restaurant.
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the tourist is from tumblr and they start laughing hysterically as the new yorker just stands there confused as they start verbally keyboard smashing and saying 'gross laughter'.
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